...desire to be a humble servant

It has been a really long time since i have last posted a blog, i really am going to try to do a blog weekly but i am not going to promise. These past three weeks have been really intense. I have completed quite a few books: Mark, Luke, 1,2 Thessalonians and currently i am working on Philippines. These two gospel weeks of Mark and Luke were really busy, lots of charting because they are such huge books and so many revelations and realizations, its been amazing and really overwhelming. This week has been better =its called small book week, 1,2 Thess and Philippines, so that has been quite refreshing.

God has been teaching me so much and healing my heart a lot and renewing my mind. I feel like my faith is so much real, i know what i believe, and i really just want to share it and that is so clearly what God wants us to do. The story in Luke 10 when Jesus sends out the 72 really hit home for me and i was able to relate to it so much, and i feel like my heart is in that. The Lord appointed 72 people to go out before him and said that "the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few" and Jesus sent them out-with nothing, no money, no sandals, nothing--Except the power of Jesus to heal people, and cast out demons and they had authority. I just felt so convicted reading this, I want to be like them, to leave everything, to be completely humbled and serve Jesus and do mighty things through his name. To be bold and proclaim the gospel to the ends of the earth.

I was asked to share at the community meeting last week and i shared about what God has been teaching me here and while i was preparing for that I did not know how to narrow it down to just one or two things. So i decided to talk about fears and how fear had really ruled my life for sometime-the fear of being along, the fear of not having money, fear of not knowing my future..and more. Two weeks ago I broke down and was weeping and crying out to God to free me of this things and he did, it was so amazing--before i was feeling so tight and bound and after i felt so free and i had such confirmation that God is going to do some amazing things through me and it was wonderful. I had a major sense of peace. I shared about this at the meeting as well as the fear of my future and i feel like i have been able to give it up to God and i will go wherever he leads me-no matter where that may be i want to do whatever he asks of me and i know if i am obedient he will make everything work out and i have no need to fear but i must trust and hold onto him for strength.

This past week was a bit frustrating, i got a letter saying that i need to start repaying back my student loans because ywam isn't one of the eligible schools so that was really hard. I do not have money to pay them back, and with me being in the states communication is hard as well. I called and have emailed and i think i will be able to get it down to only paying interest while i am here so that is a bit more doable. I am still not sure how that will all work out but God has really been telling me that i am here in montana for a reason and that he is going to work it all out, i need to trust and seek him, he will be my strength and i don't need to fear or be filled with worry.

There is so much more that i could talk about but i need to start writing weekly so that i can include all these things. Ultimately i can say that i am being changed so much, i am learning to be a servant, a humble servant and in being that--it involves suffering which is a bit scary to think about but its true-persecution and suffering will happen and that is part of being a Christian. Another huge revelation that i have had when reading 1 and 2 thess is the whole idea of the end times and what that looks like. I feel like before coming here i really feared the end times-especially those left behind books and movies that i have watched but by reading Thessalonians it is so clear that we are not to be scared, it will happen fast, we will not know when but its a good thing and we are to encourage people with this and it should not be something to fear at all. Paul wants to encourage the church because they had thought the 2nd coming had already happened but indeed it had not. Everyday new revelations, its so amazing.

To change the subject completely-i have started to run everyday, its so nice here but its going to snow soon so i am trying to get in a routine before it comes. I go with a friend-a girl from the Ukraine and it has been great just to talk and run with her, discuss things, struggles, pray with each other and enjoy the nature that surrounds us. We run to the lake which is gorgeous and often we see deer--no bears yet, and i hope that won't ever happen. BUt it has been so nice to get outside after being inside all day studying and reading God's word.

Also i have been a bit homesick, the people here are amazing, it really feels like home and family but its still hard and i miss people at home and comforts of home and sometimes i get a bit overwhelmed with people everywhere and it is difficult to find and places just to be by myself and reflect on what im learning and what God wants to teach me.

I cannot wait for Thanksgiving, i am going to a couples house on the staff--they live on the lake and we will have a big dinner there in a few weeks so that will be really nice, and christmas cannot come fast enough. I do really love it here, but i just continue to be a bit overwhelmed with everything. Here are a few specific prayer requests:

---Clarity and retention when reading the bible

---sense of peace and not fear for my future, wherever that may be

---that everything gets worked out with my previous student loan

thanks for taking time to read this and i hope it brought you encouragement to read God's work and to make your faith so personal and real.

love you all

Bre